I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
