You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
