we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
