Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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