they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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