At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
