Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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