You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
