I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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