shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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