The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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