She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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