All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
