you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
