I feel great
I just peed on a car
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
