Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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