i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Drake has all the answers
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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