i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize