I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
