So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
