Kiss
Puke
wanna go halves on a baby?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
