All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
