Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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