She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
