I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
