i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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