so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
