dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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