Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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