HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
