Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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