How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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