If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize