I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
