i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
