I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
