Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
