I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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