we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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