And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
