I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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