There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
