ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
