I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
