4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
