Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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