OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
