Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want her autograph on my taint
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
