I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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