Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
