Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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