Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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