I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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