Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
