allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
