I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
