My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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