That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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