i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
